by Bruce Mackay | Download PDF | Purchase Hardcopy

We spend our entire life interfacing with fellow humans. How we interact in these interpersonal relationships determines the quality of life we enjoy. Without relational interactions with other humans, our lives would have virtually no meaning or purpose. Yet, it is our interpersonal relating that creates most of our difficulties.

Imagine life without any interaction with another human. No arguments, no fights, no obligations, no misunderstandings, but also no love, no joy, no laughs and no life. Obviously, the answer to interpersonal relational difficulties is not to withdraw from or avoid interaction with others, but rather to learn how to relate in a meaningful, honouring and constructive way.

Because of this reality, Jesus made it His priority to teach us how to relate in every type of relationship. In many ways, all of Jesus' teaching addresses our responses in relationships. However, a large section of the sermon Jesus spoke when He was with His disciples on the mountains, by the Sea of Galilee, was focused specifically on our interpersonal relationships.

Attitudes of the Heart

Jesus made it clear that if we are to live in peaceful harmony with one another, it requires us to change our heart attitude towards one another, not just our outward behaviour. Jesus said that, 'Throughout the history of the human race, a murderer is put on trial, but I say to you, if you are angry and hate from the heart, it is the same as murder'.

For example, it is possible for a person to plot a murder, the plot fail and no murder take place. The person who plotted the murder cannot be found guilty of murder by a court because no murder took place. But surely that person is guilty because murder was in their heart and their intent. It goes without saying, and is an understatement to say, that the relationship between a murderer and their victim is broken. Likewise, when we are angry with another person, our hate has murdered the relationship.

Jesus taught the same about adultery. Adultery can take place in the heart. For this reason, many marriages are greatly affected or destroyed even if there hasn't been any actual physical adultery. Because lust and adultery is taking place in the heart of a person, the relationship is affected. Honour, trust and openness are broken. The relationship moves into pretence and a lie starts to be lived. A heart separation has taken place. This stops us being one with our spouse.

Nothing undermines individual worth or human relationships more than anger, hatred, contempt and lust. These attitudes destroy relationships. Jesus taught that we must not be controlled by any of these emotions as they are fuelled by pride, jealousy and revenge, and the result is the same as murder and adultery.

Relationships in the Family

Family relationships consist of husband and wife, parents and children, and sibling to sibling. How we relate within these relationships impacts directly on society and our eternal life. They also contribute to our personal well being.

The Bible teaches that our earthly family relationships are to be based on the heavenly family relationship. That is, the relationship between God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit. This heavenly relationship functions by love, trust and offering. As each member of the Godhead honours and gives worth to the other, nothing is done for self-glory or selfish intention. Each lives for the other. The relationship between them never ceases.

Jesus said that this is the way a marriage is to function. It is entered into forever based on love, trust and offering, each toward the other. Jesus taught that the answer to a difficult marriage was not divorce (unless of course, it had become irreconcilable through adultery). Divorce has become an accepted answer to husband and wife relationships. Interestingly, at the time of writing this article, Australian Law totally agrees with the teaching of Jesus. 'Marriage is a life-long union between a man and a woman to the exclusion of all others.'

Every society knows the destruction and devastation caused by broken marriage relationships. We need to turn our focus away from Hollywood and gossip magazines. This is not where we will find relational joy and worth. Rather, if we turn our heart to Christ and obey His words we will find that He will not only be able to save our soul, but restore our lives, marriages and family relationships.

Relationships within Society

In the course of life we all come across difficult situations in which we are unsure how to relate. Jesus said not to live by the mode of retaliation. Don't have the attitude of an 'eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth'. That only leads to more violence and only escalates the problem. Jesus said not to retaliate if someone is over and against you. 'Turn the other cheek.'

Jesus Himself was our example. Jesus was innocent of all sin and yet He was punished for our sin. He had His beard pulled out, was punched, spat on, whipped, mocked and crucified. He did not retaliate. He didn't open His mouth. If Jesus had opened His mouth to defend Himself, or if He reviled His attackers, He would have become a sinner Himself and no longer a perfect sacrifice for our sin. Can we be like Jesus? We can receive His life and live by His strength. The following are further things Jesus spoke about. They describe the way God's children should live.

'If anyone wants to sue you and take away your tunic, let him have your cloak also. And whoever compels you to go one mile, go with him two. Give to him who asks you, and from him who wants to borrow from you, do not turn away. You have heard that it was said, "You shall love your neighbour and hate your enemy". But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same?' Matt 5:40-46.

Relationships in the Church

As brothers and sisters in Christ, our yes is to be yes and our no to be no. We must be totally reliable, trustworthy people and people of our word. We should not have to add to our statement or have to qualify it or make others prove that what they say is true. It is either 'yes' or 'no'.

Our love and hospitality should extend beyond our close circle of family and friends. We should extend our hand to the poor and needy, and those who cannot return the favour. In the same manner, Jesus taught that we are not to 'big note' ourselves and boast about our offerings and good deeds. We should not be seeking the praises of other people. If we are genuinely giving, it is hypocritical to let everyone know so that we become the focus. Jesus said to do your charitable deeds in secret so only your Father in heaven sees.

The other important relational issue Jesus addressed was that we quickly resolve any issue that another brother or sister in Christ has against us. Before we come to the communion table and bring our offering, we must first be reconciled with our brother. The communion proclaims the Lord's death; it is the place where all can be reconciled, cleansed, forgiven and fully redeemed. We cannot eat and drink the communion of love and forgiveness and hold a wrong attitude in our heart toward another. Some respond by not taking communion. But that is not what Jesus taught. That is refusing to deal with the relational problem. We must first go and be restored in our relationships.

True Values

Jesus compares our sinful heart attitudes with our physical body that we sin with. He says that we would be better off maimed or blind than to sin in our heart. The eternal soul and spirit is of more value than our temporal physical body. Yet we spend more time on our body than our spirit. The Bible teaches us that if we live by Christ's life and not by our own passions, we can be changed from presenting our physical body parts to sin. We can present the members of our body as instruments for righteousness. Who and what we choose to serve will determine whether we continue in sin or live the righteous life of Christ.

Will we be slaves of sin or slaves of righteousness? The only possible way to live by the interpersonal relational standards that Jesus asks of us is to become a slave of Christ. Again, which will it be – a slave of sin or a slave of Christ?

Perfected in Love

Jesus said, 'Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect'. The love of God is perfect. It is complete and it lacks nothing. Our failing love causes failure in our interpersonal relationships. The good news is that we can be changed. We can live and relate with God's perfect love. Jesus did not speak on this high standard of relationships to have us condemned as failures – ever trying but always failing.

The love of God sent Christ into the world. He brought the love of the Heavenly Father with Him. He demonstrated it toward us in that while we were enemies and sinners, Christ died for us. Jesus rose from the dead and sent the Holy Spirit. All who will believe and obey will receive the Holy Spirit. Through the Holy Spirit, the love of God is poured out into our lives. It is poured out into our soul and spirit so that we can love as He loved. We can be made complete in love, enabling us to live as Jesus asked us to live in our interpersonal relationships, even toward those who are against us.

Anger, hatred, pride, contempt, lust and every other sinful emotion that breaks relationships can be changed and removed. We can be made complete in love, and relate as God relates. If you find yourself in a situation where you have not lived by Jesus' teaching, where your behaviour has caused broken relationships, whether this is in your marriage, your family, your church, your workplace or even with your neighbour, then Christ can bring you back, freeing you from that behaviour. You can be set free from your alienated position and be joined to Christ. As you are joined to Christ, the love of God can work in your life. Being joined to Christ is being established in His body, the Church. In such a relationship, God is able to work in our lives and recover what was broken, and join us according to His purpose and will. But it will take our willingness to be restored, to face up to and work through every broken relationship, being fully accountable for our responses. However difficult that seems, the love of Christ is working in you to bring it about.

Author: Bruce Mackay | Citywide Christian Fellowship - Cairns | CCFC
Published by Vision One at Toowoomba Christian Fellowship | TCF
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